Gates Counseling

Life positive coaching for all alternative lifestyle choices.

How to Listen Your Way to Your Mate


So, now, here you are feeling butterflies in the tummy because some boy or girl thinks you’re hot.  You’ve decided that your new person is a keeper.  Great.  How much do you know about this keeper?  He’s sweet, right?  She’s funny and intelligent and makes you coffee in the morn-ing.  Great.  When it comes to decision-making what kind of behavior have you seen?  How solid and reliable is this person?  How partner-like are they?  It’s really a person’s behavior that you want to use as the strongest determinant of whether you are going forward with Mr. or Ms. Sweet.  Listen to your gut.  Your intuition never lies, so, listen.  There are plenty of good dating books to take it from here.  But if you want to find good candidates for your heart’s wish of a beautiful partnership then learn to listen intuitively.

Listen inside yourself.  Really.  It’s not magic.  It’s not science.  It’s your Inner Wisdom.  Listen carefully.  Without the ability to tune inward and without a good understanding of yourself, you are headed toward confusion even with a wonderful and well-chosen mate.

“I choose with whom I will commit to spending my life, my heart, and my soul.”  I choose.  The choosing is part science, in that there is plenty of research to refer to but the rest is discernment or showing yourself that you won’t settle for anything less than excellent quality in a mate.  You decide.  Discernment is an internal listening skill plus having the strength to make a decision.

Listen to your prospective partner.  What are they really saying to you?  Are they willing to stretch with you and enter into a shared vulnerability?  You have to take risks and be revealing of self as you move along with your prospective person.  No risks, no gain.  But at the same time, your ears and your intuition should be hearing that your prospective partner is willing to let down their barriers as well.  Watch out.  There are prospectives who want you to take all the risks.  You would be putting yourself out there to be accommodating to them while they fearfully stay behind their walls.  That’s not partner material.

Listen.  Your prospective partner deserves your full attention.  It’s an act of respect.  It’s the practice of good partnering skills that will get you closer and closer to the right life partner for you. Deep listening is one such good partnering skill. —AG 2017



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This entry was posted on July 23, 2017 by in Couples, Dating, Unequal Partners.
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