Unequal Partnership

BOOK BLURB:  
Do you want to find a long term and sustainable intimate relationship? Are you already dating or married and want to strengthen what you have?
American society wrongly assumes that an egalitarian relationship is the best fit for everyone and yet the divorce rate is higher than fifty percent. Something is not quite right here. For some people, there is a non-traditional answer.
For those who are open and ready to create a loving, non-egalitarian relationship, welcome to Unequal Partnership: a dating guide for loving non-egalitarian relationships. This exciting love-life proposal will bring you…

• Mutual respect
• The freedom to love
• Sustainability
• Support for passion and romance
• Continuous support for individual growth
• The safety within an intimate relationship we all hunger for
• And much more!

So what does this mean? Unequal partnerships are healthy, mindfully conducted, non-egalitarian intimate relationships.  Each couple begins by setting up a deliberate, consensual power imbalance within the relationship. With the daily practice of partnering, this creates a solid foundation that supports love and romance fully and fulfills each partner equitably.

The relationship model of Unequal Partnership presents a different approach to how modern men and women think about finding and keeping love. Whether this revolutionary technique changes your life and you never want to go back, or you decide it’s not for you, this in-depth guide to building a healthy, sustainable, committed, and loving relationship is an essential read you won’t want to miss out on.

Get your copy of Unequal Partnership now, and see what a difference it can make in the pursuit of your and your partner’s personal happiness. Sometimes, an alternative lifestyle can be the key to creating a healthy, loving relationship.

Introduction

This is the first book.  It is an unusual dating guide with a specialized target audience.  I want to talk to anyone who

• Wants a loving, long term relationship,
• Wants a non-egalitarian relationship that’s an informed choice,
• And wants a relationship that honors and respects and empowers all partners.

It is the first in a series that explains the Unequal Partnership, my model of one kind of structured hierarchical relationship.  I know it’s a mouthful but that’s just a category name.  My model is called Unequal Partnership. People who practice it call themselves unequal partners or Unequal Partnership couples.  But if you are not sure that you are in these waters that’s okay.  Keep reading.  I’ll explain everything.  I have loaded up every page with good wisdom for all who are dating.

You’ll discover that I am not trying to sell my thinking to anyone or convince you that a hierarchical relationship is the way to go for your life.  It’s for some, not all.  Some will find that the model fits them naturally and that’s what is required.  No one can role-play the attitudes, values, and behaviors described here.  It won’t work.  Only a natural fit will do.  While it’s not for everyone, thousands of families have found their deep, profound happiness through the practice of a non-egalitarian relationship. Unequal Partnership is one non-egalitarian way to live.

Relationships are a lot of work and they can be deliberately planned, beginning with the dating phase.  Deliberate steps during dating can guide what you’ll need relationship-wise toward stability and sustainability.  “We love each other and, therefore, we commit to being together” isn’t enough of a plan if you want to stay together and be happy for the long haul.

Romantic love does not stand up well in the face of all the decision-making that must be done in a normal life.  If you love each other then I am very happy for you.  But now what do you do?  Bills have to be paid, children have to be planned for or decided against, seeking more education means organizing time and effort and probably some sacrifices, a home has to be maintained, and laundry has to get done and food prepared by someone.  Conclusion: be deliberate in your choices about how the relationship will be conducted.  Wow.  Can relationship organization be chosen upfront?  Yes.  There are choices?  Yes.  By choosing and committing to the roles, the protocols, and behaviors that are best for you, you can avoid a great deal of relationship grief.  But more than that, a great deal of happiness and personal development can be provided and maintained in the home that you create with your beloved.

If you want a loving, sustainable relationship then you must start building now, while you are dating.  Your everyday life must contain positive attitudes, attention to what’s needed to get you to your goal, and actual activity that makes it all happen.  I know you thought that you could lie back and, at most, concentrate on what to wear on your next date.  You can.  You can if that’s all that you want.

Partnering is what I teach.  I happen to be a relationship coach of ten-plus years.  Partnering is not the simpler arrangement of merely cohabiting or delightfully coexisting until .  .  .  well, until.  Lots of couples make committed arrangements with the best of intentions but without a model for partnership.  Not everyone wants partnership anyway; it’s just too much responsibility some would say.  That’s okay.  But for those of you who would like to consider a partnership in your future allow me to offer

• My super special Unequal Partnership model plus
• A guide for how to prepare yourself to enter an Unequal Partnership plus
• An explanation of what to look for as you date.

Everyone begins with what I call the Boyfriend/girlfriend scenario.  It’s the omnipresent case that gets sold to everyone.  Just turn the television on randomly or go to a romantic comedy movie or look at the high book sales for romance novels.  Boy meets girl.  After a serious of obstacles that they must overcome—and they do–they are always joyously in love at the end of the book or the movie or the TV show.  The scenario says that their love is enough to see them through whatever life throws at them.  Boy and his Girl have Love but nothing got decided about how they would live together.  No agreements were made or there were few.  Most likely lots of implicit agreements were made like who cooks and how often but where were the deliberate, above the table agreements that gave structure to how they would proceed with their life together?  How about deliberate attention given to making sure that both partners are fully empowered to give consent to all of their decisions?  Where will they live and who will take care of their finances and the children and the laundry?  No one ever asked what they each want to get from a marriage or other committed arrangement.  What are their shared goals and why?  Partnership requires structure that the two partners create to meet their needs and theirs alone.  The partners have one overarching reason for being together:  they are aimed at creating their personal happiness.  They work to make all that happen without any assumptions that love alone will bring them the happiness that they desire.

ots of people make lots of assumptions about what a committed relationship is going to be like.  They assume that their special person with whom they get along so well has a similar worldview as their own and similar values.  Chances are your mental picture of commitment and theirs, as well, is strongly influenced by television, movies, video games, and other forms of popular culture.  As life situations arise, Girl and Boy with Love in Their Pockets might discover who is best at decision making, who is best at follow through during tough times, and how they relate to each other when things aren’t easy.  Will they develop a means for deriving best practices and best decisions for their family?  Will they remember to protect each other’s feelings when they have disagreements?  Those are heavy loads to leave to chance with on-the-fly decisions.  Couples have a much better chance of answering yes if inclusive decision making and agreement pacts are the foundation of their relationship.  Unequal Partnership is one well-tested relationship mode of choice for couples that want long term sustainability.   Unequal Partnership necessitates persistent work on such a foundation.

I promised that this is a dating guidebook.  What’s at issue is how exactly can someone conduct dating in a specific or more focused way.  The goal is to find their non-egalitarian mate who wants to commit to an Unequal Partnership.  The objectives toward that goal are

• To prepare yourself to be in an Unequal Partnership and
• To be able to recognize mate possibilities while dating.

This text will tutor you in the Unequal Partnership model so that you know what you’re attempting to move toward as you date, that is, if deliberately Unequal is going to be your way to live.  Remember, Unequal Partnership is the right and wonderful relationship mode that suits some, not all.

There’s a chapter on what to avoid while dating.  You’ll enjoy the discussion about power and control in relationships.

Next, there’s how to prepare yourself for the Unequal Partnership.  You are going to begin to think of yourself as an Unequal partner right now.  You are an Unequal partner looking for your Unequal mate.  As such, you might need to learn a new skill or two, reading lots of good literature is always a good idea for making sure that you are a sparkling conversationalist, and you might want to use your dating opportunities to practice being an attentive, generous of heart, intelligent, and caring partner.

Then, you’ll want lots of information about how to identify your beloved Unequal partner.

The book concludes with a big chapter on negotiation.  If a couple is to be successful long-term then they must incorporate agreement-making as a normal part of relationship business.  The Unequal Partnership model believes in negotiating upfront and happily expecting to negotiate again and again as needed through the years of commitment to each other.  Negotiating how to live as a working partnership is in itself a lifelong commitment.

Many of my relationship clients are Unequal Partnership couples or individuals who are working their way toward such a partnership.  I am grateful to every one of them for their personal sharing and for their instructive questions.  Just between you and me, on the personal side, I am delighted to share that I am in a healthy, happy Unequal Partnership.

Unequal Partnerships are healthy, mindfully conducted non-egalitarian intimate relationships.  They are aimed at fulfilling the needs of both partners.  It is my pleasure and my duty to tell the world about them.  It makes me very happy to think about any and all partnership topics, to write about a relationship mode that is only just beginning to have a literature, and it is exciting to me to join many other counselors, therapists, psychologists, and health professionals who are discussing Unequal Partnerships and spreading credible information about them.

But let’s get back to you in particular.  If you are into ethical, caring hierarchies in your personal life then you probably already understand that you are different from the general dating crowd.  You want a life partner who is strongly committed to a non-egalitarian relationship.  That’s in addition to commitment to building a long-term sustainable loving relationship .  .  .  with you.  That’s pretty darn specific but so rewarding once you get there.  Consider what you have to offer a potential mate, as well.  Then, date.  Have fun.  Think of dating as your own personal system of discovery.  You’re learning about your prospective mate.  The right person will make your needs a high priority.  That’s what partners do.  Your goal should be to settle into a non-egalitarian partnership.  As you date, always be headed toward negotiations.  Negotiations officially mark the beginning of a wonderful structured (agreement-made) relationship.

Last, let me say that even if you are reading this book just because you are curious and you discover that Unequal Partnership isn’t for you then I promise you that still your time will have been well spent.  Ultimately, this is a book about building a healthy, sustainable, committed loving relationship and you wouldn’t want to miss out on that.

THANK YOU FOR READING.  You can purchase UNEQUAL PARTNERSHIP on Amazon at Unequal Partnership or wherever books are sold.  Ebook and print.

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