If you care about attracting your kind of people
• for friendship,
• for romance,
• for all manner of interesting encounters
then your online profile needs to be an attractive piece of writing. With a little bit of good information and just a little practice anyone can pull together a darn good text.
Write offline. What you write does not have to be long. Thorough but short is best. However, it does have to show thoughtfulness and care. With care plus focus on the right ingredients you can attract what you are looking for. To do any of that you must forget about trying to fill a textbox on some dating site. Close your browser. Open up your text editor and write offline. Sit down and write when you are feeling positive and energetic, not overworked and weary and wishing that your life were different.
An online profile has the purpose of clearly communicating who you are and connecting you with those that you most want to meet. It’s an invitation: “Write to me.” Speaking generally, careful writing plus putting the focus in the right place according to your desires will bring you what you need.
A scatter gun approach of saying a little somethin’ about something and a random something else isn’t attractive to anyone. If I, the reader, see that you didn’t care enough to take the time to compose a witty or otherwise vivacious and intelligent note then why would I care to respond to you? Recently, I wanted to attract butterflies into my yard so-o-o I planted hyssop and buddleia. Be delightfully specific.
You’ll want to start with being clear with yourself about what you want. What do you want? Write a simple clear statement of intention. This is for you. You want to attract X-kind of person and for Y reasons:
★ I would like to have somebody to go to events with. My reason is to have more pleasure from shared experiences. If there is a workshop then I’ll have a partner.
✚ I would like to make a friend. Enlarging my friend network is a smart move. I believe that I would have a lot to offer in friendship.
I am looking for a life partner. My desire is to share deeply with someone and give them my honest attention and real support for their happiness. My motivations have to do with a love of family.
All right. Now use your self-interest (nuthin’ wrong with that) to work on telling the world who you are. If you have spoken truthfully to yourself about what you want then you can focus on the best choice of information to share. Instead of writing words and more words all over the place you can target your message.
Open up Microsoft Word or whatever text editor you use. Already, you are slowed down, calm, and, at the same time, enthusiastic. You’ve got plenty of time to give this task its due. It’s all good.
Make a short list of most important attributes. Think about what to say about yourself in light of what you want to attract. Remember my butterfly plants?
• So, if I want a new best friend then I am thinking about what I have to offer my friend.
• If I am wanting a life mate then I am thinking about my readiness to commit to an intimate relationship, I am wanting to show that I am a serious person who has many skills and talents and accomplishments to bring into the relationship, and I would talk about what is most important to me in my current life.
• Intentionally, show don’t tell. Take your list of attributes and turn a select few into interesting illustrations of “I am adventurous” or “I am creative” or “I am shy.” This task is easy since these are snippets from your actual life.
Fortunately, sharing a very brief story about how you like to have fun is a good feature element. Instead of saying “I like long walks on the beach” try describing your penchant for finding unusual stone formations and little known caves along some Pacific island.
This is just a first draft. Remember, the first draft is for you, not the world. No one is ever going to see it. Remember that and tap out a rough text that says who you are and what you are wanting.
Use emotional, lively language. You want to have an attractive tone for the reader to enjoy. You definitely do not want to sound as though you are applying for a job—dry, business-like prose has no place here. Have some fun with it all.
Spell check more than once. Read over your draft and make corrections.
No sexual innuendos or explicit cheap phrases. Even if you are wanting a lover that road should not be lined with trash. Save the dirty talk for later when you know that you have a consenting buddy who wants to play like that.
Stay focused on the positive. We do not want to hear your ill thoughts about past partners. Why aren’t you done with that? You never want to gripe about what somebody did to you—get a therapist who is paid to listen and guide you out of the woods! We also do not want to hear your critique of how others have responded to your ad.
Must I say it? Don’t lie about anything. A man once told the story about arriving at a restaurant to find only one patron sitting there. She was a grinning, silver-haired old woman. She had seriously misrepresented herself with fallacious claims and a much younger photo. BTW, our guy graciously sat himself down and enjoyed a one time only laughter-filled dinner with the lady. In this case, there was a nice ending, but don’t try it.
Don’t be narrowly demanding in your description of what you are looking for. Instead, list three or four must-haves and let it go at that. Make it a cheery, lighthearted, even funny list. Or, a second approach is not a list but a three-line scenario that gives us your ideal picture of yourself and your new person doing what you mutually love.
Leave’m Ready to Take Action
Give your prospective partners a good reason to contact you. That’s what you want. Drag your mind away from a blinding over-focus on your ultimate desire. For instance, the goal of an online profile is not getting a date or getting a best friend or a life mate. The goal of an online profile is to inspire and persuade prospectives to want to write to you. Give them one very specific good reason and they will come. EX. “Athletic showoffs can look forward to our laughter-filled workouts.”
Put your draft away for awhile. When you are ready to edit it read the words aloud. The words should flow like a conversation. Edit your paragraphs. They should be really brief. In addition, the number of paragraphs is ideally low like no more than three.
Writing deserves attention just like that amazing relationship that you are so hoping to begin. Writing that shows care, well-maintained gardens, well-tended relationships, . . . lots and lots of magnificent butterflies headed your way.
©2018 Aisha-Sky Gates Copying my blog posts is allowed if kept unaltered and proper accreditation is given.