You can feel your way toward that right person for you.  Feel, not think.  Right now, imagine being your partner self.  Be what you want to be today.  Don’t wait.  Feel it.  Taste it.  Be your leader self if that’s who you are.  Be it now so that it is your mate self that the world sees.  As you date, lead with what you are.  Let that inner core, the True Self, shine so that your opposite can find you.  It should feel great to step out on a date as The Shining Partner Who Is Going to Find The Right Mate for Me.  Each time that you go out on a date expand from your inner core as The Partner.  Practice including your date in that expanded good feeling.  This part is not a visualization but rather a feeling, an experience that is very real for you.  You can have this full, satisfied feeling any time you want.  I have had dates who were playing a much more guarded game than I was and must have wondered what was wrong with peaceful, joyous me.  Actually, my loving nature was an invitation to them to come out and play with me.  Some did and we had a fun evening and some just couldn’t get away from me fast enough.  Smile.

Pump yourself up by focusing on True Self.  Daily, the world that you live in does not see the True Self nor does it want this from you.  You have to protect yourself so you offer only a limited version of you.  If you begin to get serious with the person you are dating then, among other things, you will have begun to be more and more revealing of self.  Your partnering skills will have kicked in.  You feel like it’s okay to be vulnerable to a growing extent.  You feel gradually safer with this person.  Late in the game, you believe that you can share your secrets with this person.  Can you?  Partners share at a deep level.  Can you?

You should be having countless experiences with the prospective mate who demonstrates loving acts and loving attitudes toward other people, not just you.

I dated a woman one time only because of her behavior during our first lunch together.  She was dismissive, arrogant, brash, and domineering toward our waitress.  That was it for me.

Choose someone who has demonstrated a generous heart and a kind, open spirit.

Feel your way toward your life partner:

1. Two persons are dating.  She takes him home with her for Easter dinner.  As soon as the couple walks through the door, they are confronted with a warm welcome from several cousins, including someone holding a newborn baby.  The dating male immediately, genuinely reacts by asking, “May I hold her?”  The dating female knew in her heart and by his actions that he was the guy she wanted to spend her life with.  Twenty years later she, the leading partner, and he, the implementing partner, say that their marriage is still strong and interesting for them.  That Unequal couple prioritizes feelings and being fully present for each other.
2. A prospective implementing partner noticed on his visits to see a prospective leading partner that she had a drawer full of single socks and mismatched socks.  Another drawer had discolored undies and t-shirts.  All of these were the result of poor laundry skills.  His first smart move was to avoid criticizing her lack of domestic talent.  Instead, he made sure that he was there on laundry day and asked to take over laundry duties.  She was grateful for his kindness.  She was in romantic bliss whenever he monitored the wash while they watched movies and hung out on the sofa.

Given that relationships are a lot of work, choose someone who isn’t afraid to work and who will work even harder when life isn’t easy.

Pay attention to how you feel.  Practice partnering, in a light sense, while you are dating.  Ask yourself if you have been experiencing partnering with this person to whom you might commit.  This is definitely a feel-your-way task.  It makes sense to do the work of studying relationship dynamics (like reading good books on the subject), taking the time to develop good relationship skills, and assessing your real experiences with your prospective loved one.  Your feelings are an internal natural guidance system.  Use them for your own benefit. —AG 2017

***All references to “leading partner” and “implementing partner” are concepts in the Unequal Partnership model. See Unequal Partnership: a dating guide for loving non-egalitarian relationships.

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